Thursday

03312011

out there…
inside a promising beam of light…
within the nurturing womb of change:
a scent of disharmony.
a pinprick of darkness.
an intuition of… trouble.
that is the word.

i think of trouble
because it is with troubled people
that i will be working.
and it is upon their troubles
that i will depend for my livelihood.
that is a troubling thought for me.
a… breaking thought.

how do i exorcise the possession
of such a thought
when it has taken me so fiercely
within its grip?

i have sentenced myself to exile…
so many times.
driven myself to madness
in the aridness of deserts without rain.
has any auto-expulsion ever felt like…
hurt like…
this realization that falls without warning?

but though i hurt… i flame.
not with anger.
not with sadness.
but with joy.

secretly…

i turn this thought upon its head...

i turn it…

i breathe into the pain
of that slow and crippling revelation.
i breathe into it gently…
and i sit with it patiently…
expectantly…
waiting for it to touch me…
waiting for it to teach me…
something joyful…
something new.

Sunday

03272011

i am still where
i have always been.

and Time?

it still runs ahead of me –
now more quickly, now more restrained.

Wednesday

03232011

i just want to stand
beside myself
for a while
to observe myself
from a distance
to wonder why
i stand like i stand
to wonder why
i wear what i wear
to wonder why
i look like i look
to wonder why
i fear what i fear

but then

to learn of fear
i would want to
re-enter myself
to see what i see
to hear what i hear
to feel what i feel
and maybe to smile
and maybe to cry
and maybe
to wonder why
i am who i am
and never
to find the answer

Sunday

03202011

someone...
someone
bring beethoven back
from the dead

i need to ask him

about love
about loss
about sadness
about madness

Friday

03182011

we panic
at the thought
of being exposed

Wednesday

03162011

the rug shifts
beneath us

i lift my skirt and offer you
nature
nurture
desire

i am both
light and dark

where the darkness stops
the light begins

you are no stranger to
this eden
this flesh
this skin

you seek guidance for
your wonder
your glow
your burn

you grasp my hips
like you’re grasping
permanence

temperance
gushes from
between your legs

my sex chokes
on your lust

i lose the moon
to silver clouds

Sunday

03132011

what is this distance between us?
a vast and isolated death of stars?
a soul-longing black hole?

i write…

i think of you and smile
i search for misplaced relics of you
i pull up your image on my screen

my words and your face
kiss
like rain and marble

i write…

your name
my name
our love

you say
your words are warm
upon my flesh

Thursday

03102010

some time
in time
when words
no longer
flow
no longer
gift
but fight
to be
what
they truly
wish
to be
yet lose
miserably
both battle
and war
and fail
to work
their breath
into
my soul
i ask
only
to be free
in spirit
and flesh
and bone
or else
to die
for
mind
will have
failed
and
words
will have
fled
and nothing
will remain
but
blind desire
thumping
like a heart in
a gaping chest
and i will
remember
not even this

Sunday

03062011

of several paintings that hang on my living room wall, two are in the orientalist style. odalisques. one is a garden scene where three hanims are reclining on a carpet by the mist of a fountain. the other is a harem scene where two hanims are reclining on a sofa in their beautifully ornamented gowns, whispering to one another. 

i always wonder to myself what they're talking about... what gossip they're exchanging... what confidences they're compromising.

i like to imagine they're talking about love.
but not just any love.
rather.
a love that persists in the flesh.
even after the love in the heart has faded away.

Friday

03042011

on certain
silent mornings
trains of thought
take me
to far away
fantastical places
and though fantasy
does not always fulfill
my mind likes to drift
to the open gates
of its magical kingdom
and there
to enter
and there
to wander and stroll
and sometimes
to get lost
because reality
can send a heart
staggering
stumbling
bleeding
without mercy
but fantasy can mend
the most barbed-wired fences
and leave them beaming
like brace-clad smiles
on freckled faces