tonight, someone in the house next door
will move the chairs and tables on their back porch.
and i will listen, hear, think,
these are the sounds of reality. understated.
unclear from beyond windows and air.
still, reality.

if i swallow a pill and draw blankets about me
and lie down in bed and close my eyes…
is this sleep?

tonight, i won’t try to sleep.
i will know i should be sleeping.
but i won’t want to sleep.

i will choose the dreamless night.
i will keep my eyes open.
i will sit beside my solitude… and let it lay its body across my back.
i will let it swallow me whole.
i will let it grab me by the ankles and pull me inside.
i will let it devour me like a dazzling poison.
i will let it speak to me.
i will let its voice echo inside the chambers of my bones.
i will let it deliver a miracle.

i will do this.
not for pain.
not for bleeding.
but for healing.

i am addicted to emotion.