last night. i told myself before i went to bed that i would wake up in the dead of night. and listen. my mind must have that much power. my body responded. i awakened. at 2:41 a.m. i opened my eyes. and lay in the dark. and looked at the ceiling. but didn't see until my eyes adjusted. i saw patterns. and my mind drifted. but i was not awake to dream. i was awake to listen. so i pulled my eyes back from their reverie. closed them tight. and listened. and i heard my voice. as if from far away. i heard it calling me. telling me to come look what i found. and i was afraid. when i meet my double in the dark of night, i am afraid to speak with her. she tells me things i don't wish to hear. she tells me. and i have no choice but to listen. it is just me. and her. and me. and no one to separate. or mediate. or soften the blows.